So I had an epiphany this morning during my training session at the gym. I've been busting my butt at the gym for the past month and I've been completely negating all my progress by my eating habits and choices.
After a year and a half of hardcore Weight Watchers and around 60 pounds lost, I've become complacent. I tracked again for a good month but stopped... I weighed and measured again for a good month but stopped... I've been making choices when eating out that are ok, but are not the choices I should be making to reach my goal. In short, I'm half-assing it.
Why am I doing this? Why am I not being strict and healthy and cutting out things that I like, but do not need?
I think it comes down to the fact that I have lost a lot of weight! I mean, all my life I've been pretty huge. I weigh less now than I did my freshman year in high school. The fact that I'm able to actually buy clothes at Gap, JCrew, Saks, without having to order a special size online or to go to a special section makes me SO happy! Part of me is content with the size I am. I'm roughly the size of the average American woman. (ok, so my lower half might be a size bigger, but that doesn't count...) I'm healthy. I am more in shape than the majority of my skinny friends (um. All of my friends are skinny... so maybe not the majority...) I actually DO eat pretty healthily... In short, I am pretty ok with myself right now. This is one reason that I've become complacent.
Another reason? I get resentful. When I'm in the law school and I see tiny girls who eat essentially whatever they want, I get resentful! Why are they skinny and can eat a tuna melt and why do I gain 5 pounds if I so much as look at a tuna melt? I don't think it is fair. I don't think it's fair that I gain weight if I so much as sniff something with butter in it. I know part of it is genetic and part of it is the way people eat ALL the time, not just one meal, but it's still annoying.
I wish I was one of those super healthy people who loves brown rice, flax seed oil, radishes, organic peanut butter and hates processed foods, but I'm not. I love them. I love white rice, I have no desire to add flax seed anything, I like Skippy Reduced Fat PB (hi, extra sugar) and not the natural stuff, I love bacon, I love doritos... In short, I will NEVER be a Whole-Foods shopping health nut. I love food too much. I've been REALLY good about changing my eating habits. I've essentially cut out all fast food (exception- the occasional Big Mac), switched to whole wheat pasta and brown rice, switched to spinach instead of iceberg, cut out red-meat, and have cut WAY back on my Starbucks mochas (1 tall a week. Very good!)
So, I've decided to stage an intervention with myself. I need to light the fire under my lazy, cellulite dimpled behind. I've come this far and so help me, I'm going to lose at least 15 pounds before I enter my late 20s in May. I'm going to purchase a tape measure today to start marking the change in my body shape because of all the training I've been doing. I've also dug out my 3 month WW tracker and I'm going to start putting it to use again. I'm going to make the best decisions possible and stop sabotaging myself. I'm going to plan out my meals and make a weekly meal plan. I'm going to start acting like a WEIGHT WATCHER again!
Thanks for listening... I just needed to get this down and out here so that I'll be more accountable for my choices! I apologize also for the Lilly rant below... that was part of the instigation for this epiphany and self-intervention. Lilly doesn't alter the dresses to fit me, I alter my body to fit Lilly! (Bride Wars, anyone?)
*Tomorrow will be back to normal and will reveal the wedding venue that we've 90% decided on!*
Posted in: Dangit,Ramblings,Randomness,Weight-Loss,Weight-Watchers
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